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Sunday, November 9, 2008

Infinite Monkeys/Chimps - aka Million Monkeys

You all have probably heard the "million monkey theory" (or actually the infinite monkey theory) - If a million (infinite number) of monkeys (chimpanzees) were put in a room with an infinite number of typewriters for an infinite amount of time - they would produce the complete works of Shakespeare. I was thinking about this this morning (I think about "stuff" like this) with some of my weirdness taking over. Some thoughts - First, how can an infinite number of anything fit into a room. You would have to have an infinite space. But, that is nit-picking. Then again lower primate societies are built on nitpicking!?! I just read a study (yes, I read weird stuff too!) that showed that chimps "hold grudges" based on grooming (or true nitpicking). If one chimp groomed another and then the nitpicking was not reciprocated, the first chimp would "shun" the non-groomer and attempt to get others to do the same. So, if you put an infinite number of chimps in a room (ignoring the above space restraints) for an infinite time with an infinite number of combs and brushes - would they invent new hair styles? My guess is they would stick combs and brushes in orifices of the non-groomers. But, theoretically... Vidal Baboon. If an infinite number of chimpanzees were put in a room with an infinite amount of U-238 for an infinite amount of time - would they produce a bomb? Again, I doubt it. More likely they would die of radiation poisoning. OR, maybe mutate from the radiation into different life forms like writers and go looking for infinite numbers of typewriters. How would one monitor infinite chimps? How would one know if they had produced the works of Shakespeare? You would need an infinite number of monitors/observers. (this "room" is getting crowded). What about the food, water, infinite amount of poop? If an infinite number of chimps were put in a room with an infinite amount of poop, water, and pipes; would they invent sanitary sewers and plumbing? (wow - an infinite number of butt cracks!) Would they show up infinitely late? If an infinite number of chimps were put in a room with an infinite number of buns, beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions; would they invent a Big Mac? If an infinite number of chimps were put in a room with an infinite number of hammers, nails, and lumber; would they build a house? More likely just bludgeon each other an infinite number of times. The non-groomers would go first. I wonder. Later. Gotta do more research.