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Monday, June 22, 2009

I now pronounce you...Hot! - Part 1

This was another weekend with an event - another of my daughters got married on Saturday. It ended up being nice, and she is legally married (we are told); so all is well. It did not look like that would happen at a few points however. (squiggly lines and blurring occur now as we flashback in time)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ First to set the stage, lets fill out the scorecard. There was a gaggle of females - sisters of the bride, cousins' of the bride wives and significant others, aunts, grandmas, assorted other females that don't fit any of these categories, and a mother of the bride. That amount of estrogen in one place can only lead to heartache and misery. There were males, but except for me they all seemed to have hidden, like the desert wildlife from the noon sun. There was also no organization. (of course in my testosterone-fueled brain it appears to me that organizing a gaggle of females is a bit like herding cats or maybe mealy bugs... but I digress) Now, most of the "stuff" had been done, arranged, and/or accounted for. However, there is no preparation for - the event gremlins. These little mischief makers are forever waiting in the wings with failed plans and broken dreams. They swoop down upon the unsuspecting (or even those anticipating them, such as myself) and tear the life's breath from the best laid plans. If you happen to not have a well orchestrated and documented plan - that is like fuel on their fire! Let the games begin. Begin they did. My daughter that was getting married has always had a "flair for the dramatic" (polite way of saying she loses it when under pressure, or imagined pressure - sorry babe) She was in tears by early morning on the phone to my wife because she did not see it all coming together. There were fans to assemble (paper fans given as favors and to help with the heat - more to come), flower petals to put into bags (it just ain't a wedding without bagged flower petals!), there was an upcoming makeup and hair session that was quickly approaching, the music was still up in the air as a last minute reassignment of that responsibility had been "gremlinized", and a host of other things that just promised to wreck the whole thing if a task force was not assigned to them. This is where the army of females rushed into action. We had a sister go to the bride to be and work with her (and helping her off the floor where she was lying weeping in despair), we had an aunt go to the drug store for calming herbs and to offer support and manpower (or woman-power) to take care of the tasks that needed doing, we had CD buying, and many other tasks being vanquished by the sheer application of estrogen (or just the threat thereof). Any unassigned females just took up a gnashing of teeth and participated in a general twittering (not the internet kind) that smote the gremlins where they lived.... or so we thought. My tasks were assigned, accepted, and a plan was in place for their completion. Little did I know a gremlin had been specifically assigned to my tasks as well. One of my sons and I were to take two portable air conditioners to the chapel and get them working to cool down the building where the wedding was to occur. We were told we could not get into the building until 3:00pm (with the wedding scheduled at 5:00pm), but we saw no problem with that if all went well. "If all went well..", words that gremlins feed on (more to come). I also had to pick up the bride (after getting suitably suited up of course) and deliver her and myself to the chapel to "walk the walk". Now, some explanation of logistics are in order. The chapel my daughter selected is an old Methodist church that was built in 1809 - 200 years ago, for those of you with weak math skills. It is a great old building, but it is an OLD building that has been historically restored to it's 1809 conditions except for the addition of electricity. It is located about 15 - 20 minutes away from where most of the attendees live, if all is well (this comes into play shortly). It sits on a ridge overlooking the Yadkin river valley in Tanglewood park. It is a picturesque setting and view, a lovely place for a wedding. Did I mention it was built in 1809? PRE-Air conditioning? (pre-almost anything we take for granted as far as everyday comforts - but I digress) Did you know that Saturday was the HOTTEST day of the year so far!! We here in Forsyth county North Carolina, do not have a whole lot of days over 90. There are even fewer over 95. Can you say RECORD HEAT!! We hit 95 or more Saturday; and I got to wear a suit! (it was a casual wedding, due to the rustic conditions of the chapel and the no A/C thing, but not for the bride, the groom, and ME) Stay tuned for more.