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Friday, June 21, 2013

Travel Wisdom Facts

I just returned from a road trip vacation. I covered a large portion of seven states and a bit of two others in seven days, for over 2,500 miles. I did a significant portion of it alone, and the rest with my mother, sister, and her eight (almost nine) year old daughter. It was a very nice trip. I will admit it was too much driving, but then I like to drive.

One of the things I was thinking about on the day long trip through three states getting home, was some truisms or laws of travel. This is what I came up with. FYI, I am not basing this exclusively on this trip. I have logged a LOT of miles over the years, both work and leisure related. (in no particular order)

1) the restaurant, gas station, etc you really want is always on the other side of the divided highway

2) urine production is correlated directly to the availability of restroom facilities

3) the lowest priced gas always occurs when you have no need of fuel
    subset - the highest priced gas always occurs when your fuel warning light is on

4) the worst motels have the most regal or chivalrous names - in fact the quality of the accommodations can be determined inversely by how blatant the royalty is applied. ie - Knight's Inn - could be bad, Regal Inn is probably bad - Royal Queen Inn is definitely bad.

5) the person driving slower than you is an idiot - the person driving faster than you is a maniac. You are the only person driving the correct speed. (this was paraphrased from a George Carlin bit, but VERY true)

6) when deciding where to eat, the person that says "I don't care" probably cares the most.
    subset - the person that admits to caring and names a place will be shot down in flames

7) when trying to make a quick "pit stop" and get back out on the road is when the pumps won't work, the bathrooms will be out of order, the register will be broken, and/or the only station open will not have pay at the pump capability and the lottery ticket buyers will be 100 deep.

8) related to the above - your desire for speed inversely affects the chances of the people in front of you in line completing the slowest transactions in history
   subset - the people in front of you at airline counters, store checkouts, bank teller lines:
          a) speak only a rare Caucus mountain dialect thought to be a dead language
          b) are trying to complete their transaction using money printed in a country that does not exist any longer
          c) are using ID that identifies them as escaped felons to be held for interrogation by the FBI
          d) are trying to take a flight that left yesterday on an airline that declared bankruptcy

I am sure there are many, many more. In fact I think I had more, but no note taking when I am driving. If YOU have any, let me know. I will publish them if I deem them worthy.