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Sunday, August 10, 2008

Hallelujah and pass the pork dumplings

WARNING - this is PG-13 or so. Spidey LIVES! Imagine my surprise when I went out to face Spiderman's killer tonight and saw - Spiderman in his web! And, guess who was in the web with him (or I guess now I might have to say - her) the other spider! It appears now what I was witnessing when I saw Spidey being killed was...... Spider Sex! Spiderman (or Spiderwoman - although that does not have the same ring to it) was just setting up house with a suitor. Hey, I didn't even know Spidey was seeing anyone! The large guy/girl was eating the grasshopper while Spidey held down the fort in the cocoon/cave are I was discribing earlier. I wonder who the kids will look like... I guess I need to watch more Discovery Channel or National Geographic.

Spidey is DEAD!

I have solemn news. Spidey (aka Spiderman) is dead. Most (if not all) of you do not know or understand who or what I am talking about. So, here is some more info: For the past ten days or so, I have been "caring for" a large spider that set up shop on our rear patio/porch area. The first day I saw him, I marveled at the web he was in, in the corner of the house by our back door. He was fairly large, his leg span would not have fit on a silver dollar, and his body (although slimmer) would not have fit on a nickel. He was large and black with some markings on the top of his abdomen. (I deduced he was a Wolf spider, but that is not important to this story) I instantly had respect for him because he had taken the web for his own from another slightly smaller spider, and was eating him to boot. Later, I saw he had pushed the "husk" of the former owner of the web to the front and out of his way. I appreciated his aggression and command of his environment. I watched him over the next few days as he improved and put his own touches on the web. He built a nice cave-like structure right in the corner that served as a funnel to steer bugs to him. He also reinforced the structure to the point that when I moved the garbage can that anchored one end, the web did not falter. We "spoke" whenever I took out the dog or garbage. About a week ago, I killed a rather large spider in our house and my wife suggested I give it to the spider. So, I took the spider body out and set him on the web. Later when I looked, I saw he had taken the spider body and was eating it. Later, it too was discarded near the front of the web. I gave the spider that I had dubbed Spiderman another spider and a bug or two over the next few days. Day before yesterday, I gave Spiderman another dead spider (yeah, we have a few around - but I read somewhere that there are about 70,000 spiders per acre in the U.S. - so whatever) When I checked later, he had not taken it. I thought he might not be hungry, as he had been well fed earlier. (I have to admit, I do not know the feeding schedule of a spider) The next morning, when taking the dog out, I looked again and Spiderman had still not taken the meal. I gave him a bug I found to see if that was more appealing. A few hours later, he had not partaken of that either. He moved when I shook his web, but was not eating. I was a bit worried, but not too badly since as I stated above, I don't really know the feeding habits of a spider. This morning when I took Tucker (the dog) out, I saw a grasshopper in the web. I was thinking, WOW Spiderman will love that! I looked at Spidey, and saw.... ANOTHER SPIDER... and... HE WAS EATING SPIDERMAN!! (I feel now Spidey was sick and weak or he NEVER would have been beaten) Nature sucks!! Farewell Spiderman. You are gone but not forgotten. My revenge is being plotted as I write this. (speaking of revenge, I have a theory that maybe this was a retaliation killing for the spiders in his web. Maybe I am to blame?!?)