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ODE TO TOILET PAPER

There are things that help distinguish modern living from the past. Some are just so common that we think they’ll always last. We really take for granted most all the simple things. We never stop to appreciate the convenience that they bring. Things like running water, food, and pop. Including paper that we use to clean after our common bathroom stops. We take them all for granted; we seem to forget quickly, that without this useful product we can become quite sickly. But one thing we learn early on: what goes in cannot all stay. The things that we eat and drink Will revisit us in a way. With cleanliness next to godliness And hygiene on our minds, No sticks, moss, or leaves, to clean our soiled behinds. We are all used to special paper to cleans the residue around the delicate area from which we take a poo. When that paper is not available due to madness in our aisles, we worry how to be hygienic at least for a little whil...

Apocalypse by Lemmings

I have always known we are on the verge of anarchy and chaos. Just go to a grocery store in N.C.(or most other southern states) when the first snowflake is forecast. Bread is treated like true manna from heaven and milk is like liquid gold. People will fight to the death over a half-gallon. Don't even get me started on toilet paper - you would think it was made with $10 bills..("isn't Jackson snuggly soft today?") Chicken Little would be proud. Friday, with Hurricane Ike pounding the coast of Texas/Louisiana; someone, somewhere said - "gas will be going up!?!" The rallying cry started - "Gas will be going up $1 at noon" - "Gas will be $10 by Saturday" - "Aliens are probing our *SS" (sorry, I lost it a minute - that one is ALWAYS out there). I was told by many people Friday morning that they heard from someone that heard from someone that ate a bagel next to the CEO of Exxon that gas was going to go up $5 by dinner-time that ve...

Birth of fear

Many, many years ago Og came home to his cave from a day of hunting with nothing to show for it. Og knew his woman would give him a very hard time for this, and he was thinking of what to tell her. He was not a particularly good hunter, mostly because he would rather sit by the stream and sleep rather than roam the area or set up a camp and wait. Og knew he could not tell his woman this either, or she would leave him for Rusty, their annoying neighbor who always seemed to be cooking some huge beast he had brought home after his hunting trips. Og had noticed there were a few other guys that rarely came home with a kill (most were on the stream bank with him most days). He knew they were in for the same bad time he was when they got home. He knew they would be on his side if he could come up with a great story. Og had also noticed that over the last few years the successful hunters had been going a bit farther away from the caves each day to get the really good kills. He also thou...