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Spidey is DEAD!

I have solemn news. Spidey (aka Spiderman) is dead. Most (if not all) of you do not know or understand who or what I am talking about. So, here is some more info: For the past ten days or so, I have been "caring for" a large spider that set up shop on our rear patio/porch area. The first day I saw him, I marveled at the web he was in, in the corner of the house by our back door. He was fairly large, his leg span would not have fit on a silver dollar, and his body (although slimmer) would not have fit on a nickel. He was large and black with some markings on the top of his abdomen. (I deduced he was a Wolf spider, but that is not important to this story) I instantly had respect for him because he had taken the web for his own from another slightly smaller spider, and was eating him to boot. Later, I saw he had pushed the "husk" of the former owner of the web to the front and out of his way. I appreciated his aggression and command of his environment. I watched him over the next few days as he improved and put his own touches on the web. He built a nice cave-like structure right in the corner that served as a funnel to steer bugs to him. He also reinforced the structure to the point that when I moved the garbage can that anchored one end, the web did not falter. We "spoke" whenever I took out the dog or garbage. About a week ago, I killed a rather large spider in our house and my wife suggested I give it to the spider. So, I took the spider body out and set him on the web. Later when I looked, I saw he had taken the spider body and was eating it. Later, it too was discarded near the front of the web. I gave the spider that I had dubbed Spiderman another spider and a bug or two over the next few days. Day before yesterday, I gave Spiderman another dead spider (yeah, we have a few around - but I read somewhere that there are about 70,000 spiders per acre in the U.S. - so whatever) When I checked later, he had not taken it. I thought he might not be hungry, as he had been well fed earlier. (I have to admit, I do not know the feeding schedule of a spider) The next morning, when taking the dog out, I looked again and Spiderman had still not taken the meal. I gave him a bug I found to see if that was more appealing. A few hours later, he had not partaken of that either. He moved when I shook his web, but was not eating. I was a bit worried, but not too badly since as I stated above, I don't really know the feeding habits of a spider. This morning when I took Tucker (the dog) out, I saw a grasshopper in the web. I was thinking, WOW Spiderman will love that! I looked at Spidey, and saw.... ANOTHER SPIDER... and... HE WAS EATING SPIDERMAN!! (I feel now Spidey was sick and weak or he NEVER would have been beaten) Nature sucks!! Farewell Spiderman. You are gone but not forgotten. My revenge is being plotted as I write this. (speaking of revenge, I have a theory that maybe this was a retaliation killing for the spiders in his web. Maybe I am to blame?!?)
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Anonymous said…
I am afraid you are to blame my friend! Not because of the fact that you fed Spiderman his own kind and encouraged his cannibalistic ways, but the fact that you Americanized him. Spiderman was once a young and powerful beast of nature that would work hard for his well-being. So what happened when you befriended him...he became Americanized! He no longer had to work for his food. He would regularly get a dead juicy bug hand delivered to him, like he was a 275 pound man at a drive-thru mowing down a double cheeseburger and half of his large fries before he leaves the parking lot. (And yes he never even had to leave his car!) Spiderman got lazy in his ways because he knew he would always have his loyal American friend to feed him the apparently large supply of household spiders and bugs. I am sure when the intruding spider first entered the web he thought, “Damn, these Americans do eat a lot! Another meal and I haven’t even finished the last bug!” The opposing spider easily overtook Spiderman, because he had become fragile and obese from his newly acquired (or forced) Americanized lifestyle. So you are responsible, but no hard feelings...better than grabbing a can of Raid when you first spotted him and showering him down with it!
August 10, 2008 at 9:31 PM
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