I knew my fan would be looking for another post. Since I am not "riled up" about anything and do not feel especially creative, here are some real headlines from the news:
Alligator Accused of Starting Fire at Abandoned Pennsylvania School
another reason never to let your pets play with matches!
Outrage in France After Boy Locked in Bedroom for Seven Years
six years, ehhh - seven, sacre bleu! (unfortunately, this was a case of severe child abuse. NOT funny - I was commenting on the weird wording of the headline)
Illegal Immigration Foe Fears Dead Goat Bearing Gang Sign Is Death Threat
I was not even aware goats ran in gangs! I guess the guy ran with a baaaaad crowd. I wonder if the alligator was involved?
Parrot Tattles on Cheating Lover
Bird love gone bad?
Chiropractor Treats Patients Using Time Travel
Was he using time travel to treat them or was he helping them recover from time travel? (I really wanted to know this, but could not find the actual article)
Naked, Crack-smoking Man Attacked by 11 Foot Alligator
Maybe this lead to the gator arson?!?
Dog Drives Car Into House
I think he thought goat gangs were meeting there.
Florida woman calls 911 over McNuggets
(so many comments here) Are McNuggets joining the goats with gangs now? or
Were they really THAT bad?
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
This is why we let the experts handle the crash sites.
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
too easy - think of your own, I'll wait......
There are a million more, but here are two of my favorites to finish up -
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarians Take Over
No comments needed.
And lastly -
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
Enjoy your news.
Later
If you are truly pressed for time, just read the bold, italicized, and underlined sentences. That won't take you long at all! Another year has passed and if you are reading this, a new one is getting ready to start (or has started) for you. New Year’s celebrations are a time for reflection on what has happened and also a chance to start anew. New Year’s resolutions are a manifestation of this. Weight loss plans, gym proprietors, exercise equipment makers, and others know this. If you have watched any TV, gone online, or read any magazines or newspapers you know that the people that make their living selling and signing people up for those things are hitting it hard. We like new beginnings and the chance to reset and set new goals. Losing weight, stopping smoking, cut back or stopping drinking, and other things a lot of folks see as improvement are at the forefront of our collective thoughts and efforts this time of year. Although not a real advocate of New Year’s resolutions, I
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