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MORE HEADLINES - these are REAL news stories: (my editorial comments in italics) Mass. lake with 45-letter name has spelling errors (shocking, huh?) WEBSTER, Mass. – Officials have agreed to correct spelling errors in road signs pointing to a central Massachusetts lake with a 45-letter name. Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg in Webster has one of the world's longest place names. It's been spelled many different ways over the years. Some locals have given up and simply call it Lake Webster. What you talkin' 'bout Willis? Miss. woman gets shot in head, but makes tea I actually read this one over the weekend. She was shot through the head by her husband. Then she met the officer at the door and offered him tea. Man allegedly steals forklift and hits sign, pole Here is the REAL story - Authorities said after the vehicle ran out of gas, the man sought treatment at a local hospital for alcohol and drug intoxication.... Shocked you, huh? Fake waiter accepted money from patrons I'm pretty sure I have been seated at this guy's station before. Man fends off polar bear with a shovel That is why one never gives garden tools to wild animals! Please Do Not Expose Your Genitals To The Comcast Guy I think this is great life advice. I wonder if it was in the self-help section? Pink elephant spotted in Botswana This is news? Pink elephants are being seen in many places. Ask the guy driving the forklift! Missouri town re-elects deceased mayor I think a lot of our elected officials would do less harm if deceased. Stay tuned for more....

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Our Guv'ment

Section 8 - Powers of Congress The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises , to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States; To borrow money on the credit of the United States; To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes; To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States; To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures; To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States; To establish Post Offices and Post Roads ; To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings a...

Fame is Fleeting and some bug stuff

Well I am writing this from the scene of one of my latest moments of glory - the Comfort Suites in Colonial Heights, Va. For those of you that do not take notes of all my achievements - that was the hotel where I was (drum roll please - ) Guest of the Day about a month ago. I drove up (and parked in the Platinum Elite member space - I might add) gathered my goodies and headed in. I thought of pulling a hat down over my head and putting my collar up to hide from the photographers and autograph fans, but I had no hat and the crowds just were not really a problem. I ambled to the front desk and it was the same girl! Surely here the recognition would reign! But as I approached her I glanced to the reader board - the same reader board that not so long ago was praising me as Guest of the Day! I staggered a bit under the realization that there was another name on MY sign! Then it hit me - Guest of the Day! I had lived my glorious 24 hours and now it was time to move on. OH WOE IS ME. I curse ...

I now pronounce you..HOT! Part 2

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