Skip to main content

Now for the News - more weirdly worded headlines

Maybe none of you like this stuff, but I think it is HILARIOUS!! Here we go: (all supposed to be real headlines) Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Those reporters don't miss a thing do they? Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use And then they head to the convenience store . Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Hey, he IS just a man! Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax I have explained before - NEVER give tools and/or implements to an animal! Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says Too many options here, talk among yourselves. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge They call him "Bunny" now. (think about it) Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years These are too easy!! Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter Had to be a K-Mart, I have done half that at a K-mart myself. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Then they pulled rabbits out of their hats. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Would Saddam have allowed this? I think not. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft You know what they say - "the smeller's the feller". And finally, a headline that made some journalism professor and parents soooooo proud: If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While no comment Stay tuned for more (and I'm feeling a rant on the state of affairs in our great nation as well)
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Our Guv'ment

Section 8 - Powers of Congress The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises , to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States; To borrow money on the credit of the United States; To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes; To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States; To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures; To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States; To establish Post Offices and Post Roads ; To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings a...
2 comments
Read more

Who's got gas?

Here is another thing that is bothering me - I am tired of people whining about gas prices. Gas was never free!! When people whine about "$40 to fill my tank" they forget that even at $2 a gallon it was $25 or so to fill it!! Here are some numbers: The average car in the U.S. is driven about 12,000 miles a year. If you get 20 MPG (hey if you are driving a Hummer, getting 10, I don't want to hear it!) That is 600 gallons of gas a year. Most people would be estatic if gas was at $2 a gallon again -SO, that is about $600 a year (for the extra $1 a gallon) or $11.54 a week. Now I know there are a LOT of folks that were struggling to pay the $2, but the average person I know was not. Here is another way to look at it. How many Starbuck's coffees or lattes have you had lately at $$37.33 a gallon? ($3.50 for a 12 oz one) How about a beer on an airplane at $53.33 a gallon? ($5 per) Then there is bottled water at $10.66 a gallon. ($1 a 12oz bottle -and it can be MUCH higher...
1 comment
Read more

A Three Hour Tour, or, Perchance to drown

Imagine you and your spouse, or significant other, are on a nice boat ride called life. You are on this inconceivably large boat in a sea of unimaginable size on a trip of indeterminate length. Once in a while, you go through some beautiful. almost indescribable days where birds sing, wonderful angelic music accompanies you in your daily activities , and everything you want is there before you. Then there are the dark and stormy days where all you can do is hold on to the rail and upchuck your lunch into the water. Most of the days, however, are just a boat ride. One day your spouse falls overboard, fully clothed, and for no apparent reason. You quickly toss them a line, and say"hold on, I'll get you out!" There is no reason to panic, people fall into the water all the time. Plus, they are a fairly strong swimmer, we will get them out. So, you start pulling on the rope. After pulling and pulling you notice they are not any closer to the boat. You decide you need help....
1 comment
Read more