Well, against the wishes of the authorities and my handlers, I ventured out into the world today to do some shopping. As is usual for me, I had an epiphany whilst walking through the grocery store - in the Toilet Tissue section to be precise. (for those of you that are unclear on epiphany and see the reference to toilet tissue - no, no, no. Epiphanies are mental. They can be messy, but all on the inside)
We as a people, or most of us, well - some of us; are working towards a better tomorrow - Better schools, lifestyles, equality, lower prices, bigger portions, better tasting fish, WORLD PEACE! We don't have a prayer. We cannot figure out toilet tissue (or as I will call it going forward - TP) When did buying TP become a MATH PROBLEM?!? You look at a package and it says: 6 rolls = 8 (hmm, ok) Then, next to that is one that says 6 rolls = 12! (my, my) Now they look approximately the same, granted the 6 = 12 may look a tiny bit larger, but...! The only definite difference is the price as far as I can see. Why can't 6 = 6?
Then, there is quilted, embossed, ridged, rippled, double-ply, triple-ply, soft, softer, softest, strong, stronger, strongest! A few rebellious marketers have the gall to be soft AND strong! Then there are multiple iterations within the same brands. Ultra-soft right next to the same brand that is Ultra-Strong. (FYI, as a user of this product for all my remembered life I understand the purpose in strong, but how strong does it need to be? I wonder about steroid enraged behemoths tearing off layers of skin screaming "I need a STRONG TP!" but I digress...)
Ultimately we are talking about a product to clean your nether regions. I do understand the importance. However, it appears that since we have let the marketers take over our TP the prices have gone through the roof. We also are raising a generation of kids that think 6 = almost anything! Happy wiping!
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